PIANO

I would like to announce, that there now exists a piano in my apartment.  This lady from the office told me she rents one in her apartment and took me to the shop, and now I have one.  It is some weird Chinese brand upright, but it sounds and feels pretty good and only has one sticky key.  The deposit (that supposedly I get back when I return it) was expensive but it the monthly rental is totally cheap.  Also, a bonus, it was hilarious watching the rather old Chinese guys haul it up five flights of stairs.  Well, hilarious and sad.  I have been really busy with Christmas stuff the past few days so I haven't even had time to sit down and bond with it, or play for more than a few minutes, but I already feel so much better.  And now we will have Christmas carols at our party on Saturday.  And now I can learn that Chinese piece I brought and whip it out to play for people.  Except, I played part of it for these two students that were over tonight, thinking they'd be really excited, and they weren't familiar with it.  I showed them the title and they were like...oh, this is...folk music.  And I'm like, I know! And they're like...oh, well, most teenagers only listen to pop music.  And I'm like...but you don't recognize it? And they're like...no.  Haha.  Oh well. 
Merry Christmas

Christmas Present

Dear Friend,

Merry Christmas! I swear I almost just wrote "marry".  My English is going to shit.  Anyway, I hope you like this little knitted dude.  I had him (her?) out on the living room table for a few days and people were just going nuts over him.  This was the most intense knitting/crochet project I've ever done and I think he turned out so good! Can you tell what he is supposed to be? A Loch Ness Monster! And I thought you would appreciate his color.  If he looks squished or his head isn't standing up or there's stuff coming out of him, just poke around with a skinny stick of some sort until he looks better.  He won't mind.  I had a good little bonding session with him one night before he went into the box, so if you ask him about me maybe he will tell you all about my life in China and how much I miss you.
Love,
Z

My Room

- is currently preserving my sanity.  I have Christmas lights up, and a cozy (yet about to fall apart, I think) bed, and stuff on my walls, and slippers, and new origami decorations thanks to a heartbreakingly sweet package from Ben, and everything everything I need.  I know I should be spending as little time as possible here, as instead be out in the world exploring and living, but...I love it here and if I am happy to sit inside all morning and knit and write letters, why should I force myself not to?  I am really homesick and have been down and emotional.  And I feel like for some reason, classes have gotten harder rather than easier as the semester has progressed.  Like teaching increasingly becomes more difficult.  That ain't right.  I have a bad attitude about classes and I know that is the problem but I can't manage to get excited about them.  Next semester needs to be different, in terms of classes.  Today I walked the 25 minutes to the office alone, and really, I need to do more of that.  As much time as I have, I think I haven't had enough quality alone time.  And on my walk I was thinking, part of the problem is, I think my self-soothing capabilities are out of practice.  When I have a stupid boy in my life, even though I'm aware that person is completely unable to provide the same level of emotional support as I myself can, I end up depending on him for comfort.  Instead of sitting alone with my thoughts, I go to his place and sit with him and think about his thoughts.  And instead of hanging out with myself on a Friday night and watching TV and painting my nails, I hang out with him and watch a movie I think he will like and look at his hands instead of mine.  Instead of writing in my diary, I write in the journal I got to eventually give him.  And then I feel less able to deal with myself.  Also my primary self-soothing aid, in piano form, is missing which just leaves me emotionally overwhelmed with no outlet. I think the music situation is bordering on desperate.  For the last four years of my life I have sat alone, in a windowless room, with myself and an instrument, for at least three hours every day.  Can anything replace that?   
Also my hair needs highlighting and I don't know what to do about it, which automatically makes me sad.  You know how I am about my hair. 
Bad hair, no piano, cloudy dampness outside, boyfriend I still can't express myself to.  That's how I feel right now.

Cheikh and I -

just had the best night.  The activities were ordinary - we walked to Tangjia, ate dinner at the Muslim noodle place, bought some fruit in town, then walked back - but I can't believe how much we are talking now.  We had conversations the whole time.  Like, real conversations, about things that normal people talk about.  It makes me feel so normal to talk to him.  And like actually, maybe he's not from Jupiter.  Every single day I pick up a word or phrase that I can use, or I understand something that he has been saying, and every day that we are able to have a conversation I learn something about him.  Funny situation.